Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
