Whats the glycemic index on semen?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize