Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
