He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
