im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
