Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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