i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
