I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
