bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
