dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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