Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
