I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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