He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
