my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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