Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize