were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
