the day after is always just damage control
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize