so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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