i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
