then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
