The maid of honor just puked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
