i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize