Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
