I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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