just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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