I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
