I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just high enough for therapy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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