drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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