okay pat passed out under dana's car
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
