we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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