What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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