On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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