I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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