I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
