i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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