i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
