his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
