Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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