It's a beautiful day for a hangover
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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