Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
