I looked at my own cervix.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm always down for nudity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
