before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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