i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
