I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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