too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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