and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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