Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
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