she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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