And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
