Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
