I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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