I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize