just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
