WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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