just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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