Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
