so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
