ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
