What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
