Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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