y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
