I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
