East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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