i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
