I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You smell like stripper and shame
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize