You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
