dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
