ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
COCAINE IS GR8
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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